Passive-Aggressive Christmas Gift Guide
‘Tis the Season to get Passive-Aggressive!
Christmas: the perfect opportunity to give a gift that sends a quietly passive-aggressive message to that special someone. Be it an irritating colleague or an overbearing mother-in-law, this guide has got you covered. There’s nothing like Christmas to let people know how you feel, after all.
The Stinker
We all have one in our lives. The superior, sanctimonious, smug so and so who thinks their proverbial sh*t doesn’t stink. Whether it’s a family member or your draw in the office Kris Kringle, this is the perfect gift to let them know that, actually, it does. Available from Poo-Pourri in 7 different scents!
We all know one. In fact, we are all probably related to one. Get your passive-aggressive on and let them know, under the guise of gardening support. Grab your copy here!
When you just need that certain someone to be quiet, just for a little while. More subtle than a ball-gag, and certainly more delicious, a box of Everlasting Gobstoppers is the way to go! For an even more passive-aggressive treat, try to find a giant version. Nothing says “shut the hell up” quite like a piece of candy that’s bigger than the recipient’s mouth.
Save this one for the person who has no redeeming features. They probably don’t know how you feel about them, but you can change all that this Christmas with one simple online order. Or keep the mystery going by sending it anonymously. There’s nothing I love more than a gift with a literal meaning. Nothing says “go eat a bag of dicks” quite like a bag of edible dicks.
You know the ones. They have a perfectly nice, perfectly average child. Who they do not shut up about. They use words like “advanced” and “gifted”. And hell, maybe they have a clever kid, but do we need to hear about it, over and over?
There is one great equaliser, when it comes to parenting. Something all children love and all parents despise. “Nurture their musical creativity” with a giant, annoying whistle, also known as a Recorder. Big W sells them for $6!
The Wellness Warrior
Got a mate that talks about “wellness” as if it’s their new religion? The one that wants to lecture you about the “dangers” of microwaving your lunch while they tuck into a paleo-gluten-free-dairy-free-organic kale smoothie bowl. They’ll be the ones tut-tutting if they see you taking medication and trying to sell you on homeopathy instead. They use words like “Big Pharma” and share posts from the likes of David Avocado Wolfe, like this one:
Time for a gentle wake up call. Buy them some light reading in the form of “The Woman Who Fooled the World: Belle Gibson’s Cancer Con” by Nick Toscano.King/Queen of the Passive-Aggressive Put-Down
Can you out passive-aggressive a master? I think you can. This one requires a little D.I.Y but don’t worry if you aren’t crafty. It’s easy, I promise. This is for people that do nothing but subtly criticise your parenting/housekeeping/career/lifestyle/whatever. We all have a special someone that does it. Could be your boss or it could be your mother-in-law. Their way is the better way, no matter what. Now is the time to “subtly” let them know what you think of what they think.
You will need:A box of suppositories- any kind
- 1 x blank label
- A black texta
Use your label to cover the actual name, leaving the word “suppositories” uncovered. Take your texta and write the word “OPINION” above the word “SUPPOSITORIES”. Now they will know exactly what to do with their opinions. The directions will be right there on the pack. You’re welcome!
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