My Facebook feed is peppered with alcohol-related products aimed at women and it’s not because all my friends are boozed-up degenerates like I may have initially assumed- sorry, gang.

It seems like the people hawking these products simply target women of a certain age group. The women often juggling kids and work or other shit that keeps us in a state of stress and irritation of varying levels. It’s the supposedly light-hearted solution to everything. Just have a glass of pinot or 6 and watch your stresses melt away! Right?

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Wine Bangle.

This unsubtle accessory is a metal, donut-shaped flask you are meant to wear around your wrist. You can fill it with just under a standard drink’s worth of wine. Just unscrew the giant cap and pour or sip! This suits the fashion-conscious woman who needs a little something to fortify her at the next PTA meeting or the executive type that needs to take the edge off at the office. So many applications!

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Scarf Flask.

Perfect for the winter months but still useful in spring, this plastic bladder sits in the folds of your favourite scarf. Team it with your wine bangle and you’re ready to face the day. It has a convenient straw for ease of sipping. This is handy for drinking on the go. Way to take the edge off grocery shopping, am I right?

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Wine Handbag.

Forget the flask scarf and wine bangle, this is for serious wine fans. Why pay pub or club prices? These stylish handbags allow you to buy your favourite box of wine to fill your handbag. A hidden tap means your purse is your secret weapon for hidden top ups. I mean, who doesn’t need 2 bottles of wine to make it through a boring work lunch?

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Wine Bra.

This is a sports bra that comes with a hidden bladder that you fill with your favourite wine. Because who can get through a spin class or jog without a drink? This particular product comes with a few dilemmas. Being worn so close to the body means your wine will warm up fast. But drinking it quickly means your chest will deflate. What a quandary.

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Australia and Booze.

Australian society is more than accepting of drinking. It’s practically a national past-time. We drink to celebrate, to commiserate and even to re-hydrate (so we tell ourselves in summer). We drink at special breakfasts (bubbles and OJ on Christmas morning, anyone?), we hang out for lunch because its socially acceptable to wash it down with a beer and the after-work drink is a time-honoured tradition. When it comes to booze, we have a hugely liberal society. I mean, for Pete’s sake, we are the nation that came up with the shoey. We are that pissed half the time that drinking beer out of our shoes has become a totally acceptable way to celebrate a monumental achievement!

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It also can’t be ignored (though it often is) that alcohol kills thousands of us every year. Accidents, heart disease and even cancer are all booze-related ways to kick the bucket, not that anyone wants to think too deeply about that. Let’s not even get into the other other problems that booze contributes to in our society, right? Because drinking out of a wine bangle is just so fun!

I’m no exception; I like a drink as much as the next Aussie. I just wonder at the seemingly sudden onslaught of grog-smuggling accessories I’m seeing everywhere.

Food for thought.

In a country where drinking is so ingrained and socially acceptable, do we really need products to smuggle alcohol? I mean, I get the tightarse aspect. It’s much cheaper to fill your accessories with booze than to pay bar prices. Keep in mind, though. that it’s also undoubtedly embarrassing as hell to get escorted out of a bar because security spotted you topping up your chardonnay from your bra.

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We already have annual events that make world news because how trashed we get. From the Melbourne Cup to the Deniliquin Ute Muster, our devotion to public drunkenness is already out there. Do we really need to be armed with hidden booze at any given moment? I know the marketing gurus behind the idea that women need accessories to hide alcohol in might hate me for saying this, but here goes: If you live in Australia and you manage to find a rare social event or situation where drinking is frowned on, it might be an idea to go along with it. It’s not like there’ll never be another opportunity.

 

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  • Oh my Lord, I honestly don’t know how you find this stuff. These ads don’t find me. I must be too old! LOL

  • LydiaCLee

    I assume these things are joke items but then I get annoyed that they actually make them and people buy them not to ever be used – from the waste standpoint. But do people really use them? I did notice on the jetstar flight home they needed to announce their right to refuse service of alcohol twice. I’m pretty sure I haven’t heard that on other budget airlines we fly….so it seems to be aimed at the full plane of Aussies….

  • I like the idea of taking a wine scary grocery shopping actually haha. But I get a bit over the booze obsession. I’ve barely had anything to drink in the past year as I just haven’t felt well enough and I don’t miss it – not that I was ever really attracted to booze fests anyway. I do think some people need to get over having alcohol at every single event. It’s a bit sad.

    • I do like a drink but I also don’t need a drink- I’m very fortunate in that regard!

  • I saw those wine bangles the other day. Will anyone even buy those? The booze bra is taking things a little too far. And why is it all targeted at women??

  • I was suprised to learn in the UK drinking is as much a part of their culture as ours, however I cannot recall ever seeing them on the news pissed and making fools of themselves, so why not? Although I do think we have an issue with alcohol in this country, (me included) I do wonder if it is really our behavior that creates the crap we are infamous for. Great point you make about so much of this being targeted at women in that age bracket!

  • Following on from what Nicole said, I think it’s just as bad, if not worse in the UK and although I don’t think the drinking culture is as bad in the US, you can legit drink booze for brekkie/brunch with a Bloody Mary or four! I’ve seen some of these GIFs shared on Facey and call me naive, but I didn’t think they piss takes (excuse the pun,) not real products that you could buy! And I’m with you, why is all this junk being targeted at women? I much prefer my wine out of a glass thank you very much.

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths

    I’ve seen the bangle and handbag before but I had not seen any of the other items. I never took any of these seriously but, as you point out, there will be others out there who do. The fact that marketers think there is a need for these items, let alone a ready market, is seriously disturbing.

  • I prefer my wine or champagne in a glass, not hidden in a bag, bra or bangle. The handbag one popped up in my Facebook feed the other day and I just rolled my eyes and thought is there seriously a market for this? I’m really hoping it’s just a joke or the kind of present someone might buy for a kris kringle gift but never gets used. #teamIBOT

    • Same here- I hope it’s not enabling someone with a real problem :/

  • The idea of drinking alcohol that has been pressed up against my boobs and is boob warm seriously sickens me!