Pregnant? Fucking sick of it? Past that mythical date they told you to expect your little bundle of joy? Desperate to bring on labour and get this over with so you can meet your baby and have less pressure on your bladder?

Don’t worry. The combined wisdom of the internet and people I know have got you sorted. One or a combination of the following scientifically proven methods should bring on labour for you. I know I tried most of them and the ones I didn’t try? I have friends that did. They ALL totally worked.

Curry.

At 900 months pregnant, the best thing to do is eat spicy food. How it works is simple. The spicier, the better. It basically sets your stomach and oesophagus on fire from the inside. Seriously, you’ve never had heartburn until you have it at full term, brought on by by a good lashing of curry enhanced by the addition of Homer Simpson-style Guatemalan insanity peppers. The resultant fire will no doubt create some kind of internal smoke issue, causing your beloved unborn’s self-preservation reflexes to kick in. They will evacuate. Immediately. Well, really soon. Soonish.

bring on labour chili

Guatemalan Insanity Peppers.

Castor Oil.

Consider yourself fairly warned: It tastes like feet. This works by inducing cramps and violent diarrhea. It stimulates intense contractions in your intestines which presumably brings out the competitive streak in your uterus, which should, if it cares AT ALL about it’s image, follow suit with the contractions that will eventually deliver your sweet baby. Well, after you’re done with all that explosive diarrhea, that is. In theory.

bring on labour toilet

This could be you- do not exceed recommended dosage! Speak to your care provider before trying this one!

Driving Down A Bumpy Road & Stuff Like That.

My cousin told me to go for a walk on the street, with one foot in the gutter and one on the path. The bumping and uneven gait is a bit like driving over bumps, depending on how heavy your tread is. Unfortunately, people will rush to your aid, assuming something is wrong with you or that you are, in fact, just a very rotund drunk person. Instead, I got my husband to drive me down streets with lots of speed humps. Or you can go wild and dance like no one is watching to get the same effect. Go nuts. The theory here is that the jostling will bounce your presumably head-down bub against your cervix at intervals. I don’t know if it helps to soften the cervix, dislodge the plug or maybe to break the waters. My theory is it might piss off your unborn enough that they decide to make an appearance. Perhaps it’s a combination. It definitely works.

bring on labour dancing

Dance it out.

Pineapple.

Eating pineapple is supposed to bring on labour because of a certain enzyme it contains. My theory is that it’s like a more gentle combination of curry and castor oil- eat enough of it and you’ll certainly get heartburn. There’s an excellent chance that that particular delight will be followed by the runs, or, in the case of the 40+ weeks pregnant women, the “speedy waddles”. If the past 400 weeks have taken their toll on you and you’re run down, you’ll probably have a mouth ulcer or two and sore gums at this point. Don’t worry, the pineapple will only sting while you’re eating it and for a short while after. This should add to your general misery and the baby will be well and truly over hearing you whinge and complain so they may decide that it’s time to exit to meet new people!

bring on labour pineapple

Do not attempt this. Just eat the pineapple.

Other Things To Eat and/or Drink.

A friend of mine had a dinner of basil pesto at the end of her first pregnancy and her water broke that night.

bring on labour waters

This is NOT what it’s like when your waters break. Well, not for everyone…

Another friend’s aunt swore by downing a shot of balsamic vinegar (heartburn factor??). Someone else I know of insisted Chinese takeaway was the key. All of these things have been tried by people who had babies afterwards. The proof is in the pudding!

Nipple Stimulation.

This is supposed to make your uterus contract in protest because it can possibly mean there is sex on the menu. Your body knows this could go badly because you might have to stop to pee several times during, it’s hard to get in a comfortable position and so on. So nipple stimulation that causes uterine pain (because it’s not like pregnancy gives you sore boobs, right??) is probably meant to put you off even attempting it but your uterus doesn’t realise all that protest-squeezing may accidentally help to evict the baby.

bring on labour boobs

Sex.

This one is infallible- have sex and that baby will be born! It’s all about prostoglandin and cervix softenings and stuff like that. At full term, both times, I felt like an uncoordinated whale who was only new to having limbs. My back hurt constantly. My sleep was interrupted regularly by my bladder, weirdly lucid dreams and having someone else’s foot jabbing an internal organ. If you can feel like that and still go through with sexy time, you deserve the reward of not being pregnant anymore. Your baby knows this, I’m sure. If they don’t, they’ll soon get the message!

bring on labour baby

Do These Things REALLY Bring On Labour?

Each and every method is tried and tested. Try one and you are guaranteed to have your baby. At the end of my last pregnancy, at the 40 week mark, I had a curry and went for a bumpy drive and viola! My daughter was born the following week! One of my besties is overdue with her second right now and she ate a pineapple just last week, so it’s only a matter of time, right?

I know, I know. A week ago? I can tell; you’re dissapointed. You want a magic, fast and painless method that will bring on labour right away and get that bub out NOW.

bring on labour sneeze birth

I feel you; I’ve been there. My last was born at 41 weeks and (what felt like) 35 days. It sucks. But it will happen, one way or another. Hang in there! And when it does eventually happen, both times I found myself wondering why I was so desperate to bring it on to begin with?!

We know relatively little about how labour actually starts but I read recently about research that suggests labour starts when the baby is ready. Not the old “Baby will come when they are ready!” platitude, but babies actually do come when they’re ready; they secrete a hormone from their lungs which signals the mother’s body to go into labour. How cool is that?

Got any tips or tricks I haven’t mentioned?!

 

#FYBF @ With Some Grace.

Images via Giphy.

 

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  • LydiaCLee

    I tried curry and exercise (and no doubt sex but that wouldn’t have been to bring on labour) and none of them worked with me…basically whatever you are doing is the thing that brings on labour….so for my 3, watching a movie brings on labour, going to work brings on labour and getting induced brings on labour….

    • With my last, waking up brought on labour LOL!

  • That is pretty cool (the last bit). My first was a week late and I was desperate to have him out. I tried walking. I don’t think I sat down at all for the last 2 days before he was born. I was pretty chuffed when baby number 2 came a few days before her due date. Did you see the article recently about the doula who recommends masturbating through your labour, and whose husband offered yo have sex with her *during labour* to help her out? No words for that one. Would you not punch him in the head, or maybe not the head?

    • I did! I’ve read about orgasmic birth before but I can’t say posterior labour really ever put me in the mood, you know?

  • I bounced on a Fit ball for hours and hours and then – voila – went into labour right when I was supposed to ;). I had lots of people telling me to try Raspberry Leaf tea but couldn’t find any evidence of its safety. I read that you’d need to eat seven whole pineapples to actually get any benefit from the enzyme it contains!!

    • I tried the raspberry leaf- me- the evidence queen- pregnancy makes me lose my mind. And did it work? LOL. No.

  • Natalie @ Our Parallel Connect

    Bahahah – NOTHING is my answer. Sorry but sometimes in life you need to be patient. As so sex – that was the last thing I could have done, I couldn’t even move.

  • The only thing that worked was patience! Hahaha! I was two weeks late with my first, one week late with my second and a few days late with my third … nothing worked. I remember being told to go for a long walk when I was a week overdue with my first to help get things started – it was the last thing I felt like doing at the time but I thought I’d give it a try. I came home exhausted and there were no signs of labour for another week and even then I had to be induced.

  • TeganMC

    OMG that last GIF is hilarious!

    When I was pregnant with Dyllan the midwife running our antenatal classes talking about different ways to induce labour (she’d had 8 kids so I guess she had a bit of an idea!) and mentioned sex. All of the men gave their partners the old nudge nudge wink wink. Paul looked at me and said don’t even fucking think about it. I was a bit *ahem* frisky while pregnant and the poor man didn’t want another reason for me to hit him up lol.

  • My mum told me about castor oil. Unsure if it sped up my entry or not! I was induced both times so I haz no idea other than the big drugs injected into your veins sure make the baby come out and meet Mummy…but hurt so much Mummy doesn’t even care! My DD was told with her first one, go home and watch 9 months the movie. Women go into labour viewing another woman giving birth. Nope. Still had an induction too. How’s your friend today?

    • Still waiting but at least she got a laugh out of this 😀

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths

    I went for long walks when pregnant with my son (he was the only one of my kids who was overdue, but only by 2 days!). I’m not sure it brought labor on but it certainly was worth a try!

  • I didn’t go into labour so I didn’t have to try anything! 4 C-sections for me. I was 2 weeks overdue with my first and nothing worked!!

  • I once had castor oil when I was really hungover and it was totally gag-worthy. I think a curry with a pineapple chaser would be a much more delicious option!

  • Dianne Childs

    Thankfully I didn’t have a problem with bringing on the labour, however once in labour he didn’t want to come out for AGES and I needed an emergency C-section!

    Di from Max The Unicorn

  • Erin Stevenson

    I was recommended hand stands. Unfortunately I’m not gymnastically inclined so I tried them in the pool during my weekly swim sesh. I definitely went into labour that week! But maybe it was the acupuncture, reflexology or membrane strip I also tried (P.S. it was the strip). It did give my mother a good story to tell about strangers marveling at the upside down pregnant lady in the pool though!

  • Swimming! I swam in the morning and the baby arrived late that night. Coincidence? I think not. A midwife told me that the sex thing does work but you have to have sex FOUR to SIX times in a 24 hour period. It’s been a loooooong time since I managed that, ain’t going to happen at 40+ weeks pregnant! Another told me that the semen works better to induce labour if it is ingested through the stomach. I’m guessing a man came up with that theory.

  • Hugzilla

    BAHHAHAHHAH! My second kid was TEN DAYS OVERDUE and still refused to come out so what worked for us was syntocin, breaking of the waters and just about every other fucking intervention known to man. Boy was he pissed off when we finally got him out.

  • I tried everything and I think baby will just come when baby is ready.
    My first was 2 weeks overdue and after a stretch and sweep I went into labour. My second was a week early and labour came on by itself. My third was a scheduled csection and my 4th came a week early.
    Stopping by from #MummyMondays