Mother’s Day is that one day of the year where mothers endure a range of gifts chosen or made by over-enthusiastic kids or sheepish partners who left it til the last minute to hit the shops and grabbed something wildly inappropriate in their panic. Sometimes, the gifts have thought behind them but don’t exactly hit the present thrill-o-meter. Like the time my Mum complained about the iron, so Dad considerately gifted her a new one. He almost wore it in a very uncomfortable place.

It seems like a gift guide of what NOT to give might be helpful to the gift-giving-challenged among us.

A Squeegee

Tory from Minted Rogue remembers her Mum being lovingly gifted a new squeegee for Mother’s Day from her Dad. Why? An off-the-cuff comment about the streaks on the windows being hard to get rid of. Practical, yes. Enjoyable? Less so. Nobody likes cleaning windows. If you’re eyeing of the squeegee section in Bunnings, grab one, but not for the Mum in your life. Clean the damn windows yourself, why don’t you?

KFC Chocolates?

Artisan-made chocolates infused with Original Recipe or Zinger seasonings are the latest boutique, exclusive and limited-edition offerings from the fried chicken chain. Would I try one? Yes. Absolutely. My curiosity wouldn’t allow me not to if presented with one. But I don’t think it would be good. And really, does anyone want a box of chicken-flavoured chocolates?

A Giant Tennis Ball

The IGA at Rouse Hill, NSW is totally cashing in on the Mother’s Day sale idea. For the bargain price of only $9.99, you can thrill the mother in your life with a tennis ball that is bigger than her head. I am especially fond of the notation on the price tag that reads “Save $0.00”!

What mother wouldn’t be overjoyed to score one of these babies? I can answer that. Me. I would not be overjoyed. Confused, yes. Thrilled, no.

What about this screams “Mother’s Day”?!

Random kitchen stuff,  such as egg cups

Dana from Brand Meets Blog says egg cups did not make her Mother’s Day. Egg cups, in her opinion, are simply not the recognition one deserves for birthing a child. Fair call.

Artist’s interpretation of what it feels like to get an egg cup for Mother’s Day.

Onesies

There are good reasons not to give grown-up women onesies. Let’s ignore the whole looking like a giant baby aspect and focus on another, as pointed out by Leanne from Deep Fried Fruit: “I often have to pee at night. Having to unzip the onesie and pretty much pee naked, at 4.00am in a Canberra winter, is not the best experience!” When Leanne shared her pic, complete with “happy” grin, one friend asked “How long do you have to pretend to like that?” I reckon a week, max.

From the Mother’s Day Stall

It’s a mixed bag, isn’t it?

• Tegan from Musings of the Misguided remembers a mug coming home from school, complete with tea bag. A nice idea. Her son let her know that he’d told the teacher that Mummy wasn’t a tea-drinker but reassured her that the mug would get used because “she can put beer in it”. Thanks, buddy!
• My friend, Jen, remembers buying mum a jewelry box full of chocolates at the school stall. She promptly scoffed the chocolates and presented her mum with what she describes as “a Reject shop-style pink, plastic jewelry box”. What mum wouldn’t be over the moon?
• My friend Colleen scored this gem that her daughter picked up from the school stall. “Happy Mother’s day, Mum! Time to drop a few kilos!” Colleen’s daughter, in her defense, was just as disappointed by this gift. She was under the impression that she’s scored mum a new mobile phone! Partners and other relatives: It’s your job to vet gifts from the Mother’s Day stall!
• Then there’s this well-endowed wine glass that Bec from The Plumbette scored- another Mother’s Day Stall stand-out. Her daughter thought they were big, sparkly eyes, bless her!

Special Mentions

• Gotta love hand-made gifts, such as this spangly, made-with-love gem in my friend Yasmine’s bathroom. Not a bad gift at all but the very proud creator insists that it be displayed all year round. Here it is, in situ, on the bathroom wall:
• Cate from Life Behind the Purple Door scored the same dressing gown two years in a row. She didn’t like it much the first time. Rookie error, though. Maybe take note of what the mum in your life gets each year?
• Rebel from Families Magazine Gold Coast remembers: “My first Mother’s Day, Ruby’s dad got me a George Foreman grill. I’m a vegetarian.” Dude… No.
  
• A friend of a friend was baffled to open her gifts, chosen by the kids without input from their dad: Fly spray and gardening gloves!
• Another friend of a friend is less than impressed with her pending gift:
  

  You’re jealous, admit it.

• Lydia from Where the Wild Things Were got half a Subway sandwich from her son. He’d eaten the other half. Her guess? He realised, mid-snack, that he hadn’t bought her anything. Points for trying?

The Worst Gift Ever: Nothing

There is no excuse for this. You can’t “forget” that your partner is a mum. You can’t ignore your own mum. I mean, you can do both of these things, but it makes you an asshat. An even bigger asshat than someone who gets a questionable gift for their loved one. At least they tried!

Yes, it’s a “Hallmark Holiday” probably designed to prop up the greeting card industry who are clearly in cahoots with the boxed chocolate companies and florists everywhere.

I don’t care.

It is the one day a year that mums are supposed to feel special and loved and appreciated for being mums. If someone has done you a solid and birthed your child, is raising a child with you or did the ultimate in awesome and birthed and/or raised you, get them a nice fucking present so they know that you appreciate them. Make it, bake it or buy it- at least have a go!