Women are already having to worry about being too fat, too thin, too busty, not busty enough, too blonde, too dark, to hairy, too tall, too short, too saggy, too muscly… and apparently, now we are also supposed to invest time and maybe even money in worrying about our mons pubis?!

The Mons Pubis

Apparently, the perfect mons pubis may well be the new thigh gap, which was yet another fashion that I happily ignored because who the hell gives a crap about my thighs? If I don’t care about them I can hardly expect anyone else to!

In case you’re wondering what your mons pubis is, however, I’ve enlisted the help of classical sculpture. Follow the arrow:

It’s that bit.

This all stems from a Sports Illustrated cover where model Hannah Davis is showing off a smooth, tanned bit of skin just below the bikini line, which you can see here.

As an aside, how a model suggestively pulling off bikini bottoms is illustrative of sport is beyond me, but that’s a rant for another time.

I’m given to understand that the mons is the next frontier in  beauty making women feel like shit about their bodies. There’s every chance your mons pubis is too fat, too untrimmed and possibly too concealed. You should consider getting it waxed and possibly lipo-suctioned and you should definitely think about showing it off, because… Actually, I have no idea why. I have never, ever felt the urge to dress in such a way that would showcase mine and while I know I’m not the most fashiony person out there, I can honestly say I have zero intention of ever doing so. I also do not know anyone who, to my knowledge, dresses to showcase their mons pubis, because seriously, what the actual…? I thought someone seeing these bits while you are supposed to be clothed was considered a wardrobe malfunction?

Apparently, women are madly googling and discussing specific exercises to tone up less than athletic looking mounds. What the hell are these exercises??

Between the media, certain celebrities and the porn industry, I’ve had it with all the implications of what I should and should not do with my body and most especially with my lady bits. I’m not steam cleaning them. I’m not paying anyone to thread, zap or rip out all or any hair. I’m not going to lower the waistline of anything I own to show off any damn thing.

I don’t know about your perspective but things have reached a new level of ridiculous for me if I am meant to be worrying about something like this.  Since when did beauty only exist in the most unnatural forms? By that, I mean surgically sculpted, depilated, possibly encrusted with sparkles or bleached or trimmed or tucked or sprayed with fake tan. When will magazines start to show an actual balanced variety of women on the cover?

We come in all shapes and all sizes and I’m sure that most of us have far better things to worry about than making sure our pubic areas fit some strange standard of attractive AND socially acceptable, let alone figuring out a way to showcase them!