Panty Liners.

You know, those things we are apparently supposed to wear between periods? When I was 19, I worked in a pharmacy. I have a vivid memory of a company rep coming to talk to my boss about putting in a panty liner display. I was standing next to her when he explained that the concept behind panty liner marketing was to make women feel that they needed to wear one everyday, thus creating a constant circle of profit.

A man literally stood there and told two women that his company’s genius lay in convincing women that they needed to buy a product that they didn’t actually need. The idea, he said, was to make women feel that liners would keep them “clean”. That’s why, he explained, the packaging uses words like “fresh”.

Needless to say, my boss chose not to stock that particular product. Despite that, panty liners made their way into the market and loads of women buy into the idea that they need them or use them out of preference.

Mensez

As you might recall, a while ago, a man called Dan Dopps brought us an idea to manage our menstruation. It consisted of a lipstick-shaped glue stick intended to seal one’s vagina shut during a menstrual period. My recommendation was that Dopps, a chiropractor who once invented a bottle-capping system, apply the product orally until the urge to spout utter nonsense about women’s bodies had passed. However, it would seem he hasn’t taken my advice. A new product has now appeared on the Mensez website and it’s just as baffling. Mensez panty liners.

“Whaaaat?”

Panty Liners with “Mensez Technology”.

From what I can make out, it consists of a regular panty liner (a tiny pad, if you aren’t familiar) coated in some kind of powder that somehow transfers itself to the labia minora once it is being worn. This powder then turns into a glue when it comes into contact with moisture. The glue, the website claims, won’t stick the liner to your bits. It is clearly a magical glue that knows the difference between skin and pads. Apparently the liner itself remains pristine. It’s, like, a liner for show only.

Source: mensez.com

I’m not sure if Dopps intends this for use as a menstrual product or as a product for everyday, as panty liners are intended. I’m not convinced that he even knows what he intends this to be used for.

Why, Dan? Just why?

I’m amazed that Dan Dopps is still inventing away in blissful ignorance of how the female body works. Did he learn nothing from the uproar over his menstruation glue? He wants to make women’s lives better with his products? Any kind of glue near the vaginal area, whether it is in lipstick or powder/liner form, will not achieve that. All it will do is create a sticky situation that actually requires urine to clear it up.

Glue near your bits is a bad idea.

Dan says his solution is hygienic and life-changing, but I’m not convinced, despite his extensive list of activities he things will get better with the use of his products. Things that include backyard picnics, spin class and running errands. Most of the list is eye-twitchingly ridiculous. How exactly will this improve my book club, Dan? What do you even mean by “Boardwalk on your Longboard” and why would labia glue make that better?

Panty Liners with glue won’t work.

Trust me. I have all the necessary body parts to know how this shit operates.

Trust me. I have a vagina.

Just think of the logistics here. A liner is coated with the magic glue powder. When in situ, it waits for the moisture, in the form of normal (yes, normal and perfectly healthy) discharge. Or menstrual blood. Who knows? Either way, it doesn’t work like that, Dan. Whatever kind of moisture you’re aiming to manage with this won’t present itself uniformly. There might be a little moisture here, and none there, do you get me? What women are most likely to end up with is a partially glued labia and a whole lot of mess that they’re still somehow meant to pee away.

We could explore these problems further, but honestly, if the words “partially glued labia” haven’t convinced you that this is a bad idea, I don’t know what will.

#IBOT @ Capturing Life.

Gifs via Giphy.