I’m always a wee bit frazzled, what with up to 4 children to ferry about at any given time, a demanding cat, shift work and so on- but that is no excuse for not looking my best at all times. Anyone who knows me will verify that my beauty routine  is terrible terribly important to me- it’s on par with my dedication to doing fashion.


Me, circa 2008, ready to hit the town.

First off, your cleansing routine:

Cleanse, tone, exfoliate, moisturise.

Now, I don’t have time for that EVERY day, so I have whittled it down to a manageable routine that can be completed in under a minute:

Splash face with water, dry, slather face in cream.

Cream is preferably a moisturising lotion designed for faces, but I discovered, by accident, that hand cream works just fine (in my defence, the bottles were VERY similar!)

Next up is makeup:

Apply concealer to all the bits that need concealing, then foundation (all over), powder (to cover all the foundation or something), blush, eye liner, eye shadow,  mascara, lip liner, lipstick. Do something with bronzer powder. Ensure all products are organic, SPF50+, cruelty-free, ethically sourced and probably quite expensive.

I don’t really know what all that stuff is. Again, time is of the essence.

Examine drawer full of some of that crap, put on some lip balm. Done.

Can’t forget the hair:

In the shower, be sure to shampoo (twice) and then deep condition using products bought at a hairdresser, not a supermarket. Once out, blow dry, being careful to use some stuff to protect your hair from the perils of the blow drier. Then straighten or curl and style accordingly. 

Yeah, no.

Try this: Spray with dry shampoo, rub in, brush, pull into tidy-ish bun or ponytail. Secure with the nearest elastic band or kid’s scrunchie. I have it on good authority that the scrunchie is making a comeback in a big way. That’s an inside tip- get on it!


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Then all that’s left is to dress and accessorise and you are ready for your day! I find the right accessories can really draw the eye away from the lack of makeup, personally.


Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you don’t feel you look your very best, stand next to someone who looks a little worse that you. Sounds mean- but it works! For example:


I look amazing here…Right?

Another option is to make like a model and photoshop the hell out of yourself. I tried that, once or twice:

Jokes aside, if you want to wear makeup and have a beauty routine, that’s great. What isn’t great is the societal pressure on women to do these things. How many magazines and websites have you seen with photos of celebrities “caught” without makeup? Stuff like this and this. Or read things like this:


Which is either utter twaddle or the vast majority of men and a whole bunch of women walk around looking “unnatural” every single day.

Makeup and styled-up hair is a choice, not an obligation. 


I do go without makeup. I don’t think I’m less of a woman for it. In fact, I’m with Fran Drescher on this one:


How about you- got any quick and dirty beauty tips? Or are you a fellow couldn’t-be-arsed or don’t-feel-the-need-for-it kinda person?

Have a laugh on me


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