New Year, New Me!

That’s how it goes, right? At the start of the year, we humans like to make promises to ourselves about how much better we will become. Turning over a new leaf is the plan every year, but various studies and surveys show that we absolutely suck at sticking to the plan. I did some googling extensive scientific research to find the most common resolutions we make, and break, each year.

Instead of making the same impossible resolutions, let’s try to be realistic. Let’s aim for achievable New Year’s resolutions, just for a change!

Improving your appearance

This is kinda vague, but I’m guessing people are wanting to look tidier, dress better, use toner, shower regularly and that kind of thing. Yet this makes the list for the resolutions we generally fail to keep. Are we living in Slob Land? I do believe we are. Should we make lists, set reminders, set shower alarms, purchase toner and join a support group? Maybe… but what about something a little more achievable?

What about a hat? You might be wearing holey tracksuit pants and no bra, but no one at that business meeting will even notice if you dazzle them with a jauntily-placed trilby. Or take it a step further and build up a nice collection of fascinators. Many people aren’t into horse racing, so why not push for the fascinator to be a more mainstream look?

via GIPHY

Taking “me time”

What is “me time” exactly? I’ve read articles that mention things like facials and pedicures and massages. They all sound lovely but who has the time to do that stuff on the regular? More to the point, who has the cash?? So, in the interests of a more achievable New Year’s resolution, redefine “me time”!

Have you gone to the toilet alone at least once today? ME TIME!! Hidden in the pantry with a glass of something or a sneaky chocolate? ME TIME!! Will no one leave you in peace? Take said chocolate/glass of something and enjoy it while hosing the lawn and garden. If anyone bothers you, hose them. ME TIME!!!

via GIPHY

Getting a better work/life balance

When people say they need a better work/life balance, they mean they want to work less and do enjoyable things more. You could get an enjoyable job, sure, but how realisitic is that? There are only so many positions available for exotic resort reviewers and mystery luxury car shoppers, after all. Winning lotto isn’t likely (especially if you’re like me and never think to buy a ticket), so what’s the answer to working less and enjoying yourself more?

Short of quitting your job and setting up a Ponzi scheme to fund your lifestyle, I’m not sure (and please don’t do the Ponzi thing!) But injecting more fun into life is achievable. See above “me time” suggestions for inspo. And maybe buy a portable karaoke machine. Take it to work, why don’t you? #balance

via GIPHY

Giving up alcohol

Why do we fail at this? Short of having a substance abuse problem, I suspect we don’t really want to never have a tipple. We could sensibly try to reduce or limit or not drink on certain days or whatever. Or, you could just resolve not to drink things that you don’t really like. Not a fan of beer but have one every now and then, to be sociable and not seen as unAustralian? QUIT! Demand a pink moscato if that’s what you prefer! Get one of those ridiculous booze-smuggling accessories if you must. Yes, men can wear wine-bangles too. See? Achievable!

via GIPHY

Losing weight

This one is the classic resolution, isn’t it? You know how it goes. On January 1st, you have 5 kilos you want to shed. As Christmas approaches, you’ve only got 9 kilos to go, am I right? Or is that just me? This is where I should offer sensible advice. Things like: Instead of trying to lose weight, focus on improving your health. Aim to not gain any weight. Just try to improve your diet or set a goal of getting more active. 

But remember, this isn’t about being sensible. It’s about being achievable.

I have two achievable New Year’s resolutions to replace this one. The first is to give up ONE thing. It could be something you rarely eat. You don’t even have to like it. Will it result in weight loss? Probably not. But you can say, at the end of the year, that you didn’t eat a single deep-fried Brussels sprout all year, so who even knows why you didn’t lose weight? You tried an elimination diet and everything!

Option 2 is to take your bathroom scales and set them on fire. They never tell you what you want them to anyway. If you do a stretch or two while the scales burn, that’s practically Bikram yoga #exercise #fitness #goals

via GIPHY

Like it? Share it!
  • I don’t have resolutions because it’s like setting myself up to fail. I think getting to the end of the year in one piece is always a good place to start!