Talya Goding

A few years ago, through blogging, I became mates with an awesome woman called Talya Goding. Talya was juggling multiple medical conditions, a situation she handled with a rare mixture of raw honesty, strength, vulnerability and grace. She shared her story of living with an ostomy and her cancer story through her blog, Feeling Ostomistic. She even used her experiences to help and support other young people going through similar struggles.

 

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The sweet, kind, generous, hilarious friend that would make it her business to tell me about crazy vagina products or hit me up with blogger goss. And yesterday morning, I learned that she had passed away in her sleep.

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All the good men, where are you?

I don’t mean the good men that rush the comments in every article detailing yet another sexual assault, yet another rape, yet another woman murdered. Only to proclaim themselves “good men” because “not all men” blah blah blah.

If talking about toxic masculinity in the context of another raped or murdered woman only makes you desperate to distance yourself from those men, you’re not a “good man”. You’re a derailer. The woman who has been harmed or killed means less to you than your own ego. You’re not interested in getting to the core of the problem or bringing about change. Just in letting everyone know that you don’t assault or kill women. You, personally, aren’t responsible. And there are so many of you out there, pleading to distance yourself from those men, that there are now women who’ve taken up your cause. They, like you, forget about the number of women being sexually harassed, stalked, abused, beaten, raped and killed. The literal body count is ignored while they point out the bleeding obvious.

If we are talking about violent men and you, your son, your best mate, your partner or whoever else you have in mind is not a violent man, good! No one is saying otherwise.

But that doesn’t make a man “good” by default. Not being a violent prick is not enough, my dudes. You NOT assaulting, molesting, harassing or murdering people does not earn you the title of “good man” if it stops there. That is nothing but a baseline for civil decency. You don’t get accolades for NOT committing crimes.

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Incels

Incels are involuntarily celibate people, usually men, who blame a host of external factors for their inability to find a partner. The term incel has become more widely known in recent years after events such as the Toronto van attack, which killed 10 people. The perpetrator, Alek Minassian, was part of the Incel movement and active in online forums discussing a hatred of women. It was discovered that he had posted his praises online for Elliot Rodger, who killed 6 people and injured even more back in 2014. Rodger claimed it was an act revenge towards the women who had rejected him.
Incels

Incels refer to men who can find a partner as “Chads”. They view them with contempt and jealousy. Women who are considered attractive and desirable, while still being objects of scorn and hatred, as called “Stacys”.

My guest this week is Dr Rachel Hannam, who gives us an insight into incels from a psychologist’s point of view.

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